One Year
by secretivemuch
Summary: "All good things have to end, I just never thought that he'd be one of them." Peeta has terminal cancer and only has one year left, Katniss never thought she'd see him again but can whatever is forcing them apart bring them closer together, even when the end is near? Because one year can change everything. COMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1

Hey guys, this is my new story, updates won't be as reliable but I'll update when I can. This is technically my first Peeta/Katniss fanfic but I have a very clear idea of the ending and well, you can see at the start that it doesn't end well for Peeta and you can probably guess that but it also has Cato in it cause how the hell can you not?

Enjoy

- Court

* * *

Chapter One

* * *

Stood here by his grave with our little girl was something I never thought would happen, they say that all good things must come to an end but I didn't think that something so good could come to an end so quickly. But it did and I'm here.

* * *

I run down the corridor of the hospital and out the fire exit, not even caring whether I was setting off some kind of alarm. The wind whips at my braid as I lean against the wall and I twist the end between my fingers.

"Don't you just hate hospitals," says a boy around my age with blonde hair who leans against the wall on the other side of the door

"Wouldn't you like to know," I hiss frantically wiping away the tears that without warning were rolling down my face

"So what you in here for?" he asks numb to my own kind of numbness

"My sister,"

"Well I hope she gets better if that's any conciliation,"

"Considering she's dead, I don't think that getting better is an option," I snap and this catches his attention, he looks up from the ground and looks straight at me

"Do you want to get out of here?"

"With a complete stranger? No thanks,"

"I'm Peeta Mellark," he says holding out his hand

"Katniss Everdeen," I say not taking it, with that he begins walking away after a few steps he turns back to me

"You coming, Katniss?" he asks and I wipe away my remaining tears and swallow whatever fear I have before following my new found friend, Peeta Mellark to where the hell he's taking me.

* * *

We sit by a lake, next to each other, in silence until Peeta decides to break it.

"Were you close?"

"What?" I ask coming out of my daze

"Were you close... to your sister?"

"Very," I say staring off into space, I couldn't believe I was telling him this "My father died when we were young and my mother tuned out so we had to stick together, not that it was hard... Prim was perfect,"

"Is," he corrects

"She's dead, it's past tense, not that it matters anymore," I sigh

"It always matters, Katniss," he says turning to look at me, his blue orbs stare into my boring grey ones "She may not be physically here with you but she'll always be there, and if you like the idea, maybe like an angel,"

"I like that idea," I nod, a small smile tugging at my lips "What about you?"

"Cancer," he says and I suddenly feel really stupid for offloading on him "It's treatable... apparently, I'm starting chemo again next week,"

"Again?"

"Yeah, I was supposed to be in remission, stupid doctors,"

"I agree," I mutter and he chuckles, my phone starts ringing and I dish it out my back pocket

"What?" I snap

"Catnip, where are you? Are you safe?" I hear the worried voice of Gale, I can't even talk to him right now

"I don't want to talk to you right now, just tell Haymitch... just tell him I'm alive," and with that I hang up on Gale

"That sounded bitter," comments Peeta as I shove my phone back into my pocket

"Well then you'd be right... Gale's an idiot,"

"Who's Gale?"

"He was my best friend," I let out a crazed laugh "But not anymore,"

"What happened?"

"He's the reason my sister died, him and his stupid fucking fireworks, he has an obsession with them, it was weird and now it's just like he's morphed into a murderer, she was a fireball within seconds and dead a couple minutes later because the idiot didn't think to get water,"

"She's not in pain anymore," he says putting his arm around my shoulders and pulling me into his chest, I didn't even realise I was crying.

We sat like that for what felt like hours and we watched the sun as it began to set. I stand up suddenly and Peeta follows.

"I better go, my uncle will be looking for me," I say with a sorry expression

"Um, Katniss? Can I get your number?" he asks awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck

"Sure," I say pulling my phone out my pocket and handing it to him, he speedily taps my number into his phone before handing my phone back to me and I shove it in my pocket "Thanks, for listening," I shrug sheepishly

"Thanks for letting me listen," he replies with a sincere smile, I send him a small smile before walking to the nearest bus stop to get the bus back home.

* * *

I stand at the pier, the next day, watching the waves roll, this was Prim's favourite spot. My phone buzzes indicating that I have received a text. I read the message.

Hope you're doing ok, want to talk again soon? :) - Peeta

I smile at the text before some guy bashes into me and my phone falls into the water below. Shit.

"Jerk," I shout to the guy that knocked me. I pull off my jeans, rip off my sneakers and dive into the water.

Once I resurface and swim back to the sand I try turning my phone on but it won't work. Double shit. Annoyed I throw it at the sand and realise that I've just lost Peeta's number. Triple shit.

* * *

Well done Katniss. After five months of hell, graduating high school, dating losers and getting so intoxicated at parties you've finally gone and landed yourself in hospital and it wasn't even alcohol related, I just so happened to be sober enough to slip on the snow and break my leg, well fucking done Everdeen.

After wasting whatever little money I had in my savings account on medical care, even though college was totally out of the question as I was definitely not the sharpest crayon in the box, I hobbled out the building on my crutches Haymitch said he'd pick me up to save the bus fair, but both of us knew that he'd been too drunk to drive, hell he'd be too drunk to even get the key in the ignition. So off to the bus stop I hobble. Onwards I go!

Whilst completely clouded by painkillers and my own thoughts in Katniss Land I almost get hit by a car. Another job well done Everdeen, nearly had to go back into the hospital and spend more of your 'hard' earned money.

"You ok?" asks the driver getting out his car and rushing over to me

"I'm fine," I say like the hermit I am

"Katniss?" I look up to see Peeta Mellark, the boy that I met the same day that Prim died... I was never able to retrieve his number from my shit pile of a broken phone.

"Oh, hey," I say awkwardly as he helps pick me up

"I was wondering how you were doing," he smiles

"Don't lie Peeta, we haven't talk in nearly a year and you were so close to forgetting me,"

"It would've helped if someone answered their damn phone," he chuckles "I mean if you wanted to turn me down you could have just said!"

"Yeah... I have some explaining to do..."

"Want a ride home?"

"Sure, anything beats the bus," I say and he helps me into his car

"So at the grand old age of, what? Eighteen now?" he asks and I nod "How the hell did you manage to break your leg?"

"Ah, I do believe it's time to retrieve the book of clumsy Katniss' adventures," he laughs before I recount how I managed to break my leg.

* * *

Eventually we end up at my house. I open the car door and stick my legs outside before hesitantly turning back to Peeta.

"Do you wanna talk over coffee?"

"Actually I prefer tea."


	2. Chapter 2

Hey guys, two chapters in one day aren't you lucky, thanks for the reviews and favourites, I expect more as we go along, some of this chapter is pure fluff but the ending is a bit like. What just happened?

Hope you enjoy

- Court

* * *

Chapter Two

* * *

It had been three months since I broke my leg and three months since I had met Peeta for the second time. During those three months we played video games like complete nerds, went camping with Johanna, turns out she's the biggest wuss ever until a bear turns up.

Currently we were watching the latest episode of Doctor Who and we were on the couch, I was in sweatpants and a baggy old t-shirt whilst my hair was up in a messy bun, meanwhile Peeta was very distractingly gorgeous in some grey sweatpants in a shirt. Haymitch was out on another 'business trip' which basically meant that he was just visiting his buddy Chaff for another drinking session.

"Katniss?" asks Peeta, my eyes are still glued to the screen

"Yeah?"

"I had my scans yesterday," I take my eyes off the screen to look at Peeta

"How was it?"

"It was fine,"

"Good," she smiles turning back to the screen

"You're a great friend,"

"God you're such a sap!" I say ruffling his hair

"Oh it's on!" he shouts attacking me, I forget about Doctor Who and Peeta whips my hair out the very messy bun and starts tickling me.

I fall off the couch and he follows.

"Stop!" I laugh between breaths

"Nope!"

"Please!"

"Nope!"

"I swear to God-" he takes his hand off me and I'm breathing heavily, that's when I notice the incredibly intimate position we're in.

Peeta has his knees on either side of my hips and his hands on either side of my face. Say something Katniss!

"I, um, need to pee," with that I scramble out from underneath him and run to the bathroom thinking what the hell just happened?

* * *

"Hey Kat- whoa!" he says walking into my room a couple days after our very compromising situation, to find Johanna trying to do the zip up on a dress she's forcing me into. He immediately covers his eyes with his hands "Sorry, I should have knocked," he says his cheeks glowing red, Johanna does up the zip

"You're good," I say and Peeta drops his hand

"Thanks," he smiles awkwardly "So why on earth is Katniss Everdeen wearing address?"

"Wing woman duties," I huff as Johanna pushes me onto my bed and starts to do my make up

"Lucky you," he says with a smirk

"Want to be a wing man?" asks Johanna pointing the make up brush in his direction, Peeta pulls a face "Thought not."

"How about I call you tomorrow?"

"Ok," he smiles "See you later, bye Johanna," with that he leaves

"Are you sure there's nothing going on with you two?"

* * *

Surprisingly Johanna actually made me look good. She got me into this plain red skater dress and red heels, I thought that I'd look pretty plain but then she put my hair in a high ponytail and curled the ends and did my make up and I had to say I looked pretty darn good.

At the club, sweaty bodies were everywhere and doing everything whether it was grinding up against one another or in my situation trying to stay the hell away and get to the bar.

When I finally reach the bar I realise I've lost Jo and I swivel round to see her already flirting with some guy. I slid easily into the barstool and wait for the bartender to get around to me.

When the bartended finally does some tall blonde slides into the stool next to mine.

"I'll have a Dirty Martini and she'll have a-"

"Coke," I say the bartender rushes off to get our drinks "So you're not a friend of alcohol," says the blonde turning to me

"More like it's not a friend of me, I spend most of high school drinking and it didn't get me anywhere,"

"So why not blow off the steam now?" he asks

"Because I have to get that home," I say jabbing my thumb in Johanna's direction, she seems to have already consumed several shots even thought I have only just been served and is now grinding up against some guy she was flirting with a few moments ago.

"Good luck with that," he laughs handing his money over to the bartender and hands me my glass of Coke "So other than babysitting, what are you doing here?"

"It was supposed to be on wing woman duties due to a recent lack of them but I'd like to stay away from... that," he laughs

"Lack of wing woman duties, eh?" he asks cockily

"I broke my leg and it was hard enough standing up let alone pushing through these crowds,"

"How did you break your leg, anything erotic?" he asks licking his lips, I pull a disgusted face

"You wish, I slipped on the snow,"

"So Wing Woman," he says "Got a real name-" he's cut off by my phone vibrating in my pocket indicating an incoming call. I read the caller ID and see that it's Peeta, what is he doing calling me? I thought he knew what was happening tonight?

"Trouble in paradise?" says the blonde, I roll my eyes and pick up the phone

"Hello Peeta?"

"Katniss?" his voice sounds like a whisper

"Hang on Peeta, just let me go outside," I say jumping off the stool but the tall blonde grabs my shoulder

"Do I at least get a name?" he asks, I huff because wrenching my shoulder from his grip and exiting the club.

"Hey, sorry about that, what's up?" I ask now talking to Peeta

"Katniss, I need to talk to you," he says but his voice is all jittery, this isn't like the usual Peeta, Peeta Mellark has a way with words, what can I say he's a charmer!

"Can this wait until morning?" I ask "It's just that Johanna needs to be supervised at all times, I wouldn't want her to get into any trouble,"

"Can you come over?"

"Peeta, are you ok?"

"I just really need to talk to you,"

"Ok, I'll be there really soon, ok?"

"Ok the front door should be open," he says a little shyly, I hang up, I walk back through the club to find Johanna lip locked with a guy. I put my hands between their foreheads and wrench their faces apart.

"Jesus Brainless!" she complains shouting over the music "Why so worried?"

"Something's up with Peeta, I gotta go, just promise not to do anything stupid,"

"I'm fine, Mark-"

"Marvel," corrects the guy

"Marvel here has condoms-"

"Can we bypass that part of the conversation, I just need to see if Peeta's ok, ok?" she nods understanding me gives me a quick hug before I quickly exit the club.

I get outside that cab and remember that we got a cab on the way here, I dig my phone out my pocket only to find that my battery is dead just great.

I huff as I take off the heels of death and begin to walk to Peeta's house.

"Need a ride?" I turn to see the tall blonde from the bar pulling up next to me

"I'm fine,"

"Oh really?" he smirks "Come on, I'm not some paedophile and I didn't even finish my first drink,"

"I'm fine," I repeat

"Get in or I'll carry in you," he says, I huff before getting in the car and directing him to Peeta's.

* * *

I get out the tall blonde's car and he drives away still without knowing my name and me knowing his, my bare feet hit the cold concrete as I run up the path to Peeta's front door with my heels in my hand.

I open the door and follow my way upstairs to his room, that I have been in so many times before. I knock once before entering. I find Peeta sat on the floor by the side of his bed with his head in his hands.

"Peeta?" I say quietly knowing that his parents and his one stay-at-home brother are probably sleeping, his head snaps up in my direction and I notice his blue eyes look sad. I walk over to him and sit down next to him "Peeta, what's going on?"

"I had my scans last week,"

"Yeah, I know, you said everything was fine,"

"I lied," he says not looking at me "Katniss, the results weren't fine, the cancer's spread," my mouth couldn't form any words, I mean how could they? The beautiful blonde boy that sat in front of me had just told me that his cancer was back and it was spreading.

"What- what's gonna happen?" I choke out

"Katniss..." he sighs and I take his face in my hands

"Peeta, please, please just tell me,"

"One year. I only have one year."


	3. Chapter 3

Hey guys, this chapter is a mix of different kinds of fluffiness, so I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for all the reviews and favourites and what not, but a few more wouldn't go amiss ;)

- Court

* * *

Chapter Three

* * *

I wake up on the floor with Peeta's head on my lap and my hands in his hair. I look at the time and spy that it is twenty past eight.

"Peeta," I say running my fingers through his hair

"Five more minutes," he moans not opening his eyes

"Come on Peeta, wakey wakey," I say and he sits up and drags a blanket from his bed and wraps it around himself "How are you feeling?"

"I'm ok, I guess," he says yawning

"Let's get you some breakfast ok?" he just nods in response. I stand up with my heels in my hand and hold my other hand out to Peeta which he takes in order to stand up. I lead him to the kitchen. "As terrible as I am at cooking, I will make breakfast,"

"You cooking?"

"Well," I say searching through his cupboards "The next best thing," I say putting a box of cereal on the counter, they're Coco Pops, every kid's idea of a good chocolaty breakfast, his lips turn upwards slightly, I find two bowls in the next cupboard, I get milk out the fridge and two spoon out the drawer.

I fill both our bowls up before adding milk.

"Thanks," he says dipping his spoon into the milk "Most girls don't make Coco Pops for breakfast,"

"I'm not most girls," I state leaning on the other side of the counter and raising the spoon to my lips

"No, you most definitely are not," he says before lifting his own spoon to his lips

"Well what do we have here?" asks Peeta's older brother Rye strutting into the room in nothing but his boxers "Did Peetie get a lay?" Peeta blushes furiously

"No 'Peetie' didn't," I snap

"Cool it Carla," he jokes "Do you have dibs or is she free for the taking?" he asks turning to Peeta, Peeta growls in response "Ok, ok," he says holding his hands up in surrender "I surrender!"

"Jerk," I mutter under my breath

"Oh Katniss, I didn't know you were here," says Mr Mellark entering the kitchen

"Hey Mr M," I reply

"Jesus Rye, go get some clothes on," he says sending Rye to go get decently covered, Rye huffs before leaving "So Katniss, you look very dolled up for this time of the morning,"

"I went out with Johanna last night-" I can see Mr Mellark's look of disapproval, he doesn't particularly like my loud mouthed friend "-and Peeta called me, so I came over... and we fell asleep," Mr Mellark chuckles before patting Peeta on the back

"I'm off to the bakery, bread doesn't sell itself, see you kids later," and with that Mr Mellark exits the kitchen leaving us to eat our Coco Pops in peace.

"So last night," I say awkwardly lifting another spoonful of Coco Pops to my mouth

"Sorry," he apologises

"No, don't apologise, I'm glad that you called me," I say "Not so glad about what you called me about but it means you trust me,"

"Yeah I do," he says sending me a small smile

"Peeta? Where do we go from here?" I ask putting my spoon down

"I-I d-don't know," he stutters, tears pooling in his eyes, I walk over to him and envelope the now once beautiful broken blonde in my arms, and he cries into my chest.

I hold him for maybe an hour or maybe two but slowly he pulls back.

"I want to make a bucket list," he says wiping his eyes and looking up at me

"A bucket list?" I question

"Yeah, a list of things I want to do before I- before I-" he can't bring himself to say it "Die," he shudders

"Why don't we get changed and go to mine, I have some crate paper and sharpies?" I say raising my eyebrow

"That would be great," he says, his million dollar smile back in its usual place.

Somehow I think Peeta Mellark won't only be the death of himself, but I think he could be the death of me too.

* * *

"Number one, what have you got?" I say now in my grey sweatpants and a white vest shirt, my hair hangs down lazily. We're sitting on the floor with all the sharpies in a rainbow and white crate paper.

His eyes scan the piece of scrap paper he used to write in pencil all his ideas.

"Finish watching all the Doctor Who episodes,"

"Now that one I could help with," I smile cheekily and he laughs, I write it down. "Number two?"

"Talk to my brother,"

"But you see Rye everyday?"

"Not him, Wheat, I haven't seen him in a year and I really want to go visit him,"

"Ok, I'll add it to the list," I say before writing down "Three?"

"To sleep under the stars,"

"God, you're such a sap!" I laugh writing it down "Four?"

"Learn how to swim,"

"You can't swim?" I ask surprised, he shakes his head in reply "I can teach you," this makes his face light up and I find myself smiling back at him "Five?"

"To fall in love,"

"Um, Peeta, isn't that gonna be kinda hard?"

"Are you saying I'm unlovable?"

"Yes!" I smirk cheekily

"That's it Everdeen!" he shouts throwing the pens to the side and attacking me, he tickles me and I can't help but laugh. This time the odds must be in my favour as I easily hook my leg around his and spin him over so I'm sat on top of him.

For a moment we both lean forwards but I pull myself out of my daze.

"And you thought you were the better opponent," I say with a smirk sitting upright

"And you thought you were the strongest," with that he picks me up and throws me over his shoulder and runs into the kitchen with me shouting at the top of my lungs.

"Onwards peasant!"

* * *

"It's just a bit weird that we're sitting in the park in December eating ice cream like it's summer," chuckles Peeta digging his plastic spoon into the Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream and pulling out a load of brownie.

"Weird? I think this is pretty normal, everyone else is just weird," I say knocking the ice cream and brownie off his spoon and claiming it as my own, he just chuckles in response "Do you count the days?" I ask bluntly

"Sometimes," he says solemnly, his eyes downcast looking at the white plastic spoon "But not when I'm with you, time just seems to slip away," a smile graces his lips

"Isn't that bad?" I ask

"Not really, I like spending time with you,"

"If it's any conciliation, I'm glad you nearly ran me over,"

"Says the girl that walked out in front of a car," and he returns to the same old beautiful blonde boy that, when the time comes, I will miss more than anything I ever know.

* * *

"Number six," I sigh taking the cap off my sharpie

"To visit an art gallery,"

"Boring!" I snort

"Oh shut up!" he chuckles ruffling my hair "Oh and seven, to visit a music concert,"

"Now we're talking," I smirk

"Eight, to give a girl a ring," he smiles, I roll my eyes before scribbling it down.

* * *

"Katniss?" Peeta says as we sit by the lake, my head is in his lap and he delicately braids sections of my hair

"Hmm?" I whisper, almost asleep

"You don't think my bucket list is that crazy do you?" I sit up and turn to face him

"Of course not, what's crazy is that you don't have long to do it in," his hand raises and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear

"Could we stay here?" he asks as the sun begins to set "You know, to complete number three?" he asks referring to the bucket list again, I remind myself of number three.

_Number Three- To sleep under the stars._

"That would be wonderful," I smile, we both lay down and share our warmth underneath the blanket we brought with us, I watch Peeta as his long eyelashes tilt upwards as he looks up at the vibrant orange that plagues the sky. "Penny for your thoughts?"

"I don't know," he says "Just thinking about number five, that's all,"

_Number Five- To fall in love._

* * *

"How many more are there?" Peeta groans as I stuff my mouth with another handful of popcorn, it has been a week since Peeta and mine's 'almost kiss.' I had to admit that it was weird to think of Peeta that way. He was starting another round of chemo soon as a last ditch attempt, Peeta was very pessimistic.

"It was on your bucket list!" I say but it comes out muffled, I swallow the popcorn and repeat myself

"I didn't realise that there were so many!" he complains, right now we're completing number one on the bucket list- to finish watching all the Doctor Who episodes. It was his own fault. I just send him a winning smirk. "Can we take a break?"

"And do what?"

"I don't know, just talk about something that doesn't involve aliens or weird boffin talk,"

"Ok," I say pausing the DVD player and turning to sit cross legged, so that we were now facing each other. "So what's up?"

"I start chemo in two days," he sighs

"I know," I reply sadly

"You don't though Katniss, you don't know what you're getting yourself into!" he cries, anger flashes through his eyes. Wait, why was Peeta angry with me?

"So I'm totally incapable of making the right decision now, am I?" I shout right back

"I didn't mean it like that and you know it!" the truth was I did know it, I just didn't want to accept that Peeta wouldn't be the same blonde haired boy forever.

"Sorry," I say shamefully

"When I do chemo, all my hair falls out, even my eyebrows and my eyelashes-" I cut him off

"But your eyelashes are adorable!" I say in protest, Peeta blushes and my own liquid courage fails me too and my cheeks turn red also

"I get sick Katniss, like really sick and I have to stay in the hospital,"

"I'll visit you," I say seriously "I'll even sleep in those uncomfortable chairs!"

"But you don't have to," he says, his eyes downcast "I don't want you to think that I'm weak," he admits shamefully

"Weak?" I ask grabbing his chin and gently pulling his face upwards so that we're eye to eye "I could never call you weak, Peeta, weak people give up and I won't let you give up," and with I notice our close proximity and start to lean away but Peeta grabs my arm gently

"If you're going to kiss me, kiss me, because I can't wait forever," and so I do as he says.

And who could argue with that?


	4. Chapter 4

Hey guys, here's chapter four, thanks to **Holly** for that review, which brightened my day, sorry I didn't put this up earlier, I was stuck in the world of Sherlock, ah Benedict Cumberbatch, my baby! But to all those that say that I can't kill of Peeta, sorry it's terminal! No hate please but this story is supposed to symbolize that one year can make a difference to anyone even in the worst of situations.

Enjoy

-Court

* * *

Chapter Four

* * *

Peeta goes in for chemo today. I swallow nervously, heck knows why I'm nervous. I just want him to be ok. After the kiss the other day nothing else was said about it and no more kisses were shared between. I was scare that things were going to get awkward but it's as if neither of us had even touched each other.

I sigh as I play with the zip on my hoodie.

"What are you thinking about?" he asks from the bed, we've been sat in silence for the past half an hour

"It's nothing," I shrug

"Come on Katniss, you're like the worst liar ever,"

"I'm fine!"

"Ok," he says quietly, then he face goes pale, he reaches for the sick bowl just in time, the nurse stands from her seat by the door, puts her magazine down and takes the bowl out the room to dispose of it.

Peeta now has vomit encrusted around his mouth, so I take it as my job to clean it off. I grab a tissue and wet it slightly in the sink before stepping closer to Peeta.

His blue eyes watch my own as I concentrate on getting the vomit off his mouth. I'm about to step back to throw the tissue in the bin when Peeta grabs my arm.

He seems to have a loss for words and his eyes dance trying to work out what to say "Um, thanks," he manages to stutter out. I nod before throwing the tissue in the bin and cleaning my own hands, Peeta's eyes never leaving me.

I sit back down in my chair and fold my arms over my chest. I spy the nurse across the corridor flirting with another male nurse, maybe even a Doctor.

"I better say something now," he says, his voice hoarse and in need of water "Or we'll never be alone," I raise my eyebrow and Peeta sighs and pushes himself up a bit "Katniss, about the other day-"

"What other day?" I stutter

"Just come here," he says patting the space on the bed next to him, slowly I sit down and the bed compresses under my weight and his slightly larger hand envelops mine "About the other day-"

"Consider it forgotten," I say in a rush, his blue eyes pierce into mine with a look of... sadness?

"I don't want to forget, I probably never could even if I tried to, Katniss I don't have that long left, I don't want to waste time not being with someone I like... someone I love," he chokes at the end part

"B-but what if that person doesn't know?" I choke out

"They don't need to," he soothes, really it should be the other way around, so I crawl into the bed next to him and rest my head on his chest

"Stay with me," I say, asking the impossible, Peeta couldn't stay with me, it was terminal but beneath all the cancerous hate on Peeta's part and all the soothing words on mine I feel weaker, and it's evident because the dying boy has to try and save to girl with the dying emotions. But what surprises me most is his reply.

"Always."

* * *

"I think today's the day," says Peeta watching me as I eat my Coco pops, we had returned from the hospital yesterday and we both fell asleep on the floor encased in a blanket fort we made together.

"The day to do what?" I ask with a mouthful of Coco pops

"Talk to my brother," he says referring to the bucket list.

Peeta hadn't talked to his brother in just over a year, the lucky bastard could still talk to his, but he says that his brother made him feel weak and that the cancer was a problem, that he couldn't be around him when he had it. I could relate, it was hard not to baby someone that was younger than you, someone that you loved, especially when they were ill.

I'm reminded of Prim and the time she got a stomach bug, I stayed home from school much to my mother's delight, yes that was sarcasm, and kept her company even when she insisted that I had to go learn... yeah... good job that would have to help me.

"What about your, um, hair, or rather lack of it," I say pointing out the obvious, as ever, during his one session of chemotherapy most of his eyebrows had fallen out and some out his hair, he was forever trying to scrap it off his pillow. So in the end he decided to shave it all off. What was worse was that he no longer had his long eyelashes that I had loved to watch as he drew.

_The little things_, I tell myself, _the little things_.

"I need to talk to him," he says sharply

"Ok,"

"And I need you to come with me,"

"I don't know, Peeta, I've never met him before and he's your brother, you need some alone time with him," I say awkwardly tugging on my braid

"For moral support? You don't even have to say anything!" he pleaded, his blue eyes begged for attention but I knew if I even looked into them for a millisecond then I would have to- spoke too soon.

"Fine," I sigh even though I knew I would have to talk, I wouldn't want to be deemed some sort of idiot.

"I love you," he says hugging me and I hug him back. He just told me he loves me, whether it be the friendship way or the way that he mentioned in the hospital, I didn't know, I was clueless, but something I did know what that my heart skipped a couple beats.

* * *

The ride to his brother's house was... quiet, to say the least. We sat in silence for the whole journey, Peeta constantly flicked through the radio channels, trying to find something less... depressing.

Meanwhile, I was contemplating what would happen. Would Peeta's brother cry? Would he hug him and tell him he loves him? Would he pat him on the back and crack a joke before apologising? Or would be become like my mother- a mute?

"We're here," says Peeta bringing me out my daze

"How old is he again?" I ask prolonging the inevitable

"Twenty seven, engaged to a girl named Jess, she's ok, I never really talked to her much, this is going to be awkward isn't it? I bet he'll slam the door in my face-" I cut him off

"You're being silly," I say even though I haven't even convinced myself that Wheat wasn't anything like flirtatious Rye, who subsided as the arrogant idiot that tried to lure me into his room for 'yoga'. My eyes find Peeta's sad blue ones. "After this we can go do a good one on the list or get ice cream or something,"

"Ok," he says pulling himself together "I guess we should get out the car," I laugh and roll my eyes, we both exit the car and walk up to the front door.

It's a modest sized house, probably two, three bedrooms? I wasn't a realty expert but I was pretty sure that college loans don't get you a three bedroom house in a neighbourhood like this.

Peeta reaches for my hands and entwines in it his and I tap the metal knocker against the door a couple times in a friendly manner. There is the sound of footsteps then the door opens slowly

"Hel- Peeta?"

"Err, hi Wheat," Peeta stammers out, his golden tongue now deemed useless "Can I come in?" he asks squeezing my hand lightly

"Oh, um, yeah, course," he says opening the door wide for us to enter. I step inside after Peeta and Wheat leads us into the kitchen were he gestures for us to sit on the stools by the counter. I sit down whilst Peeta stays standing. "Are you going to explain?" he asks, Peeta stays quiet at his brother's reaction "When are they getting rid of it this time, are they going to take the other leg?" he says mentioning Peeta's artificial leg

"It's not like that this time," Peeta says running his hands through his hair, I feel like I'm invading a private moment with Peeta and his brother

"I'll go wait in the car-" I go to stand but Peeta grabs my arm

"Please don't leave," he begs

"Ok, I won't," I say sitting back down

"Are you going to tell me what the fuck is going on or do I have to call the hospital to find out for myself?" shouts Wheat getting agitated

"Wheat-" Peeta tries to soothe him but Wheat is having none of it

"Don't bullshit me!" he shouts "Just tell me," and with that he's curled up against the counter "Just tell me," he whispers even though he's probably already guessed, Peeta gets down to his level and puts his arm around his brother.

"Want me to wait outside?" I ask Peeta quietly, Peeta nods slightly and I exit the house and go sit in the car.

* * *

Peeta comes back to the car and slams the door as he gets in.

"Should I ask what happened?" I ask, Peeta sighs

"He's going to move closer when I _get sicker_," he spits angrily

"Peeta," I say putting my hand on his arm "He's your brother, you can't get angry not now,"

"But I am!" he shouts

"You don't need to be," I say holding my warm hand to his cold cheek "Should we just go back to yours and have a movie marathon?" I ask he nods slowly and we switch seats so I'm in the driver's seat. "Let's get you home."


	5. Chapter 5

Hey guys, sorry I haven't updated for a while. I never update on Fridays because I can't, Saturday I had a football match to go to and a family night out... which was weird... considering that the waiter kept checking me out, it doesn't matter if he look seventeen it was still creepy! Sunday I had a shitload of biology revision to do seeing as that is my worse subject (next to PE) and yesterday I had to do some Christmas present wrapping.

YAY FOR CHRISTMAS WOO!

Anyways hope you enjoy this shitty little chapter.

- Court

* * *

**Chapter Five**

* * *

"Please tell me why the hell we're going to the lake when there's a_ nice_, _warm_, _safe_ swimming pool down the road from your house," whines Peeta as he sits in the passenger seat

"God you're such a wimp, number four, you wanted to swim, you didn't specify where! And plus, the lake is pretty awesome to swim in," I smile as I pull over so that we're a couple metres from the lake.

"We have blankets in the back right?" he asks

"For the tenth time, yes, and we have a flask of hot chocolate," I smirk pulling off my black sweater, my bikini underneath, Peeta blushes furiously "Come on, idiot," I say hopping out the car and pulling off my grey sweats.

I run into the cold water with Peeta behind me, he stops before he reaches to water.

"What are you waiting for?"

"Is it cold?"

"No, I'm getting goose bumps because I want to!" I say sarcastically "Now get in," he reluctantly steps into the water and shivers. "Come on!"

* * *

After a good hour of freezing my ass off, trying to teach Peeta how to swim he seems to have just about grasped the concept of kicking his legs and moving his arms at the same time as well as breathing in air and not water, we run back to the car.

I slip back into my sweatpants and pull on my jumper as Peeta pulls on his clothes before we both slide into the back seat and wrap the blanket around us.

"T-that was cold," shivers Peeta

"If you hadn't have taken so damn long to swim then we could've have been warm by now," I say ripping the flask from his hand and drinking some hot chocolate, Peeta smiles and tucks a piece of my hair behind my ear and stares into my eyes "Fuck it, I'm still cold," I say turning the heater up to full.

Peeta pulls me closer into him and wraps his arm around my shoulders, using his free hand he takes the flask from my hands and takes a swig.

Then somehow we end up staring into each others eyes. His bright blue eyes stare into mine, filling me with warmth.

"Six months, give or take," he says not taking his eyes off me

"W-what?" I stutter out, shocked by his sudden outburst

"Six months," he repeats "Two months since I talked to you in the hospital about seizing what little we had before our time ran out. My time's running out-"

"Don't say that," I plead "I don't think I can think about that right now,"

"My time's running out," he repeats "It's running out and I can't slow down, there's no time for that. I just need to be able to seize what I can whilst I can, even if that's not much,"

"What are you talking ab-" he cuts me off pulling his lips to mine. The warmth doesn't come from the flask or the heaters anymore, it comes from both our bodies joining as one.

"Be my whatever you want to call it, be my girlfriend, be my lover, be my wife, I don't care just be mine," he says pulling back, I blush brightly and nod in reply whilst he just smiles the same 'Peeta smile' "I know I've completed a number and I want to complete another before the day is done,"

"Huh?"

"I've done another thing from the list,"

"Without me?" I ask a little disheartened

"No, it was one hundred percent, to the moon and back, with you,"

"Ok? Which numbers?" I ask

"Five and eight," he smiles cheekily, my mind goes blank and I fail to remember anything from Peeta's bucket list, he must notice as he begins to explain "Five, to fall in love. I mean how can you not? And eight to give a girl a ring," then he pulls the plain ring he always wears off his finger "Katniss... I'm falling in love with you and I just wanted to give you something to remember me by, so by doing that I thought I could complete one of the other numbers,"

"Peeta... I don't know what to say..." I say honestly

"Just tell me you'll wear it on your necklace," he says attaching it to the chain

"And five?"

"I can't make you do anything, I can only remind that I don't have long for you to realise whether you do or don't, but I don't want to force you to say something you don't mean so I just want to spend whatever little time I have left with you, at least promise me that,"

"I promise."

* * *

I'm laid in bed that night, messing with the ring that Peeta gave me that still hangs on the necklace around my neck.

Could I tell Peeta I love him?

Do I love him?

It was all very confusing. I get out of bed and walk over to my closet to pull out a hoodie. I pull it on and enjoy it's warm.

I knew why I loved hoodies. I loved hoodies because they wouldn't leave you unless you lost it, and they would keep you warm as long as you wanted them to.

I exit my room and walk silently down the stairs to find my uncle Haymitch passed out on the couch.

I tiptoe over and place a blanket over him.

I knew why I loved my uncle, I loved my uncle because he wouldn't leave... or rather he wasn't sober enough to.

I head into the kitchen and pull a tub of ice cream out the freezer and tucked in.

I knew why I loved ice cream. I loved ice cream because it just tasted so damn good and I could always buy more of my favourite flavour.

Which all left me staring at the screen of my phone at the picture of Peeta's caller ID as it rang loudly.

Did I love Peeta?

I was pulled out of thought when I realised that Peeta was calling me at three in the morning, the last time he called this late, it was bad news. Very bad news.

"Peeta?" I ask hurriedly

"Not Peeta, it's Rye, he's had a seizure, come to the hospital," with that I grabbed the car keys and drove like a total maniac to the hospital.

My mind runs crazy circles, that probably look nothing like circles and I can't help but think of the worst possible situation.

Could this have been my fault? Could the swimming have pushed Peeta over the edge?

Just please, whoever the hell is up there, let Peeta be ok.


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry I haven't updated in a while, this weekend I've been sorting out Christmas related things and I had homework and that evil biology test I actually revised for and it has been a pretty busy week so I was immensely tired. Sorry this chapter didn't come any earlier, but that's the way it goes.

11 SLEEPS WOO!

- Court

* * *

**Chapter Six**

* * *

Sat in the waiting room thinking over the past six months made me really think about Peeta. He had six months left and he was getting sicker, even if he didn't want me to see it I could. His medicine increased, more trips to the hospital, not being able to move sometimes. And every time he just played it off like it was nothing.

The swimming must have pushed him over the edge... and it was all my fault. Why couldn't I just take Peeta to a normal heated swimming pool like every other person would?

"Katniss, right?" I look up to see Wheat

"Err, yeah," I say

"Nice to finally meet you I guess, not so nice of the circumstances though," he says sitting down next to me "He'll be ok, he is always is,"

"He was angry with you,"

"I wouldn't expect anything else," he says with a chuckle

"How can you be so calm?"

"Peeta won't head on out yet, he won't finish with an argument, he's too good a person to do that,"

"Sounds about right,"

"So, how did you two meet?" he asks seriously

"I believe it was the day my sister died, weird I know, but at the same time it was the best and the worst day I ever had..." so I explained to Wheat, I explained everything and he just listened.

"He'll be ok," he reassures me

"Only if you stick around," I reply

"I'll think about it."

* * *

"Err, family of Peeta Mellark?" I look up to see a doctor, not just any doctor, a certain blonde haired tall man from the club that gave me a ride to Peeta's house, all them months ago.

"Here," I say jumping up from my seat, the blonde's eyes flash with recognition but he doesn't say anything, Wheat and Rye follow in pursuit.

"How is he?" asks Rye

"Is it bad?" asks Wheat

"Well," starts the blonde doctor, I spy his name tag huh Doctor Ludwig huh? "Peeta had a seizure due to his cancer-"

"No offense doc, but I'm pretty sure we could have all figured that out," snaps Rye, both Wheat and I send him a disapproved look "Sorry," he mumbles

"In theory he should be fine, I was looking at his notes and this kind of thing is suspected, especially in the... closing months," the room seems to fall silent and I bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from screaming.

"C-can we see him?"

"Sure," he says with a sympathetic smile "We're keeping him in overnight for observation but other than that he's fine,"

"Thanks Doc," says Wheat "I'll go call dad, see how far away he is,"

"And I'll let the rest of the family know," says Rye

"I guess, I'll go see Peeta," I say

"I'll take you to his room," says the blonde doctor, he leads me down the corridor "So we meet again and all I get is the last name Mellark, although you two look nothing alike for siblings,"

"We're not siblings," I hiss

"My bad," he says stopping in front of a door "Do I finally get to know your name?"

"No," I say opening the door and closing it behind me. I see Peeta hooked up to all sorts of equipment and hear the someone what relaxing beat of his heart from the heart rate monitor.

"Katniss," he croaks, I place my warm hand in his cold one "I-"

"Don't say anything, don't say anything at all," I say wrapping my arms around him.

* * *

"We're going to take it easy for a bit," I say flopping down on the couch with a extra big pot of ice cream and two spoons.

"I don't need to!" argues between

"You might not, but I certainly do," I say burrowing into the blanket next to Peeta he laughs as I press play letting the Doctor blow up a Darlek.

"So how many more episodes do we need to watch until we've seen them all?" he asks

"Three, and that's all that have been released until the series comes back next year,"

"Three more then," he says knowing that the next series will never come for him, even as much as I wanted him to be there. Fuck it, I at least wanted him to make it to Sherlock season three. But no, we'd be lucky if he'd be there for Christmas, at least that's what that blonde doctor, that seems to keep popping up everywhere, told us.

Lucky.

The word straight from the devil's mouth, why you ask?

Never once in my life have I, Katniss Everdeen, been considered lucky.

* * *

"What are we doing?" I complain as Peeta pulling me and my duvet from my nice warm comfortable bed.

"I want to complete another number," he says determined, but I had to admit, he did look pretty cute with his determined face on... ok Katniss, enough of the girl talk.

"Which number?" I ask yawning

"Three,"

"Sleeping under the stars? Didn't we already do that?"

"Yeah but I wanted to do it again,"

"Ugh Peeta," I complain trying to walk back inside but he pulls the end of the duvet so that I spin around to face him, he pouts and somehow he makes his eyes glisten, he's knows that I cannot say no to that look. I bite my lip.

Stay strong Katniss, there is a nice warm bed waiting for you inside. It's calling your name. Can't you hear it? Take a step closer, it's only up the stairs-

"Fine," I huff.

So in my shorts and one of Peeta's shirts we sit down on the porch and wrap ourselves in my duvet. Peeta wraps his arms around me.

"I love you," he says and I turn to face him, confused "I feel like I should say it more," he says smiling "Even though I know that you aren't good with feelings, I just can't let you forget about it, even if you don't feel the same back,"

"I didn't forget," I say pressing my lips to his.

But I didn't deny it.

I didn't deny that I felt something for the boy with the blue eyes.

* * *

I sit fiddling with my ring on its necklace, we finished the Doctor Who episodes long ago and Peeta ended up flicking through the channels.

"Whatcha thinking about?" he asks putting the remote down on the arm of the couch and turning to face me

"Nothing really," I reply

"You really need to work on your lying skills,"

"Fine, I was thinking about the list, it's nearly over, and I just can't help but think that when you're done with the list, you're gonna be done, done with all this, done with me, done with your brothers, done with life,"

"Wow and there's me thinking it was because we ate all the ice cream from the freezer and it's the time of the month," he chuckles

"It is not the time of the month!" I say hitting him with a cushion "That was two weeks ago," I pout

"I know, I could tell,"

"Shut up!" I shout, blushing, Peeta chuckles and brings me closer to him, then his face goes all serious "What is it?" I ask

"Nothing,"

"And you tell me that I'm bad with lying!"

"Fine, I was just thinking... thinking about... about the other guys you've been with,"

"Define 'been with',"

"Dated, kissed... did it with,"

"Wow, ugh ok," I say a little uncomfortable

"God this is awkward," he says biting his lip

"Yeah..." I say "Most of them... I was so off my face I couldn't remember, even if I tried and the rest of them... were still pretty hazy... but I never really 'dated' anyone,"

"Well alcohol has a tendency to do that to lightweights," he chuckles

"I'm not a lightweight!" I laugh messing up his blonde curls, then everything goes all serious as I turn to face him "But right here, right now, I am totally invested with you," we lean forwards and just as our lips touch the doorbell rings and we jump apart.

"I'll get it," I laugh and Peeta pouts "I'll be back in a minute Mr Impatient,"

For the couple of seconds it takes me to go answer the door I debate who it could be. It definitely wasn't Johanna, she would rather just stroll on in as if it was the most normal thing to do. I couldn't be anyone from school, they're all off at college now and probably don't give two shits about me, which is most definitely for the best, in my opinion, they were all douchebags anyway.

Maybe Haymitch ordered pizza? Screw that, Haymitch doesn't eat unless you count the shit he falls face first into when he's completely hammered.

I open the door and the smile which I had been wearing all day drops like the soggy end of the biscuit after you've put it in your coffee for too long.

To say the least I was gob smacked.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Nice to see you too, Catnip."


	7. Chapter 7

Hey guys, so this is the new update, not a lot of Peeta in here but there will be in the next one! But I am kinda sad that I haven't been getting a lot of reviews for how many views I've been getting on this story, even from you followers! There's loads of you! And I'm kinda stuck with what I actually think of my own writing so **it'd be pretty awesome to get some reviews** that talk about what you like about my writing.

10 SLEEPS!

Longest chapter yet! Enjoy...

- Court

* * *

**Chapter Seven**

* * *

"Are you going to invite me in?" says the cockily voice of Gale Hawthorne

"The hell I am," I shout going to slam the door shut but he wedges his foot between the doorway and the door

"Katniss is everything ok-" Peeta stops still and the door swings open letting Gale walk in, I bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from growling like a dog. "Is everything ok?"

"Not particularly," I sigh then I turn to Gale "Get out,"

"Don't you want to talk to me?" pouts Gale

"No,"

"Why not? We're best friend-" I cut him off

"You lost that privilege when you killed my sister! You and your fucking fireworks!" I shout lunging forwards, Peeta grabs me by the waist and swings me around wrapping his arms around me.

"I think you should leave," he says firmly

"I'll come back, this isn't over," he says before exiting and slamming the door. Peeta doesn't say anything as I detach myself from him.

"Sorry," I apologise "He shouldn't have come here,"

"I guessed," says Peeta "I just hope that I will never make you that pissed," I laugh and he hugs me "Want to talk about it?"

"No," I say a little too harshly "Not now, can we just... can we just go to bed?"

"If you want," he says with a small sigh. We walk upstairs and get cosy in my bed when Peeta talks again. "I remember the day I met you, the first time round, when we sat by the lake you got a phone call, he was Gale, the guy you talked to me about wasn't he?"

"Yes," I reply truthfully

"If he... did those things that you say he's done why isn't he in prison for it?" I knew the truth to the question would be tricky to explain "Please, I just want to make sure you'll be safe... when I'm not around,"

"I just feel so selfish right now," I admit "I'm here giving you all my problems when-" I stop myself

"What?" says Peeta sitting up, he's definitely angry "When I'm the dying one? Nice move Katniss," and with that he gets out my bed and walks out. A few seconds later I hear the door slam behind him leaving me wondering had I just lost the boy with the bread?

* * *

"Rough night, sweetheart?" asks Haymitch as I walk downstairs and pour myself a big mug of coffee, truth was I got no sleep last night.

"What about you? You're not drunk,"

"We ran out," he deadpans "Don't look too surprised, it was gonna happen sometime,"

"Um, yeah," I say sitting down opposite him

"So what happened last night? And where's wonder boy?" Haymitch was aware of Peeta spending most of his time here and often found us asleep on the sofa, or sometimes the porch when Peeta wanted to sleep out under the stars, which was a lot.

"He went home," I say draining my mug of its coffee

"Lover's tiff?"

"Shut up," I hiss

"So yes? Maybe he just needs sometime to call of and maybe you need to talk to Gale,"

"You knew about that?"

"I may have run into him when I walking home," he says sniffing his black tea before pulling a disgusted face and setting it back down "But really, you two need to talk,"

"What if I don't want to talk?"

"Up to you, meanwhile, I'm going out,"

"To buy liquor?"

"To buy liquor," he confirms picking up his jacket and walking out the house.

So did I want to talk to Gale?

Either way there'd be repercussions, whether it be Peeta being mad at me or not understanding one of two things.

1. Why the hell Gale decided to turn up after a year out of the blue

and...

2. What actually happened the night of my sister's death.

I was done to two choices. To ignore and wait it out or to face my fears. Either way I wouldn't be having such a good weekend.

* * *

"Hello?" Gale says as I call his apartment phone

"Um, hey, it's me, we need to talk,"

"I'll buzz you in," a few seconds later I'm greeted by the sound of the doors unlocking. I run up the stairs to Gale's apartment where he's waiting at his door for me. He ushers me into his small apartment. "Want to sit?" he asks gesturing to the couch.

"No, not really," I say sheepishly, which felt weird. I had never felt this uncomfortable around Gale, he was always the one I could rely on and act like myself, but now that was a different matter.

"We need to talk," he says

"I know that's why I came,"

"So... who was the guy last night?" the feeling of being uncomfortable before was nothing like it was now, it was a daring question but Gale was always a bit of a thrill seeker, even in his younger years.

"That was Peeta..."

"So what is he? My replacement?"

"Replacement?" I ask at his bold statement

"What so you're admitting to being more than friends?" I had nothing to say on the matter, in reality Peeta and I hadn't DTRed, well, he said that he didn't care what we were he just wanted me to be his. But I wasn't here to talk about Peeta. I had to make that perfectly clear.

"I'm not here to talk about my relationship with Peeta. There are questions I want answering,"

"Yeah? Like what?"

"Like what actually happened on the day of my sister's death. What actually happened, not what I heard from a paramedic!"

"Can you just calm down!"

"Calm down? You murdered my sister!"

"It was unintentional!"

"It doesn't change anything! What am I supposed to do? Huh? Back your back and say there, there Gale, I'm sorry you killed my sister by accident?"

"I didn't mean to kill her!"

"Then at least tell me what happened, please, I just need to know that,"

"Fine, but can you at least sit down, you're making me feel uncomfortable," sure, that was the word he used, the only time I actually felt comfortable nowadays was when I hung out with Peeta.

Peeta...

Eyes on the prize Katniss, or rather death sequence.

I sat down on the couch, as far away I could get from Gale.

"I won't bite your head off, you're safe with me,"

"Well I don't feel it," I reply sharply "Sorry, I just don't want to end up punching you or something,"

"I can handle it," he says shuffling towards me.

This whole thing was destined to get awkward. Not only because Gale's bum shuffles were the weirdest thing invented but my head, and emotions, were all over the place. One wrong word and boom Katniss frenzy attack, another and well it was going to be like Niagara falls coming from my eyes.

"What do you want to know?" he asks

"Everything," I say, I gulp swallowing my fear as Gale enclosed his large hand over my, it felt so different to Peeta's, Gale had coal miner's hands, it was in his blood, he inherited them from his father like I had mine, Peeta on the other hand had hands carved from working in the bakery.

"Are you sure?"

"Would I be sat here if I wasn't?" I question raising my eyebrows slightly, Gale awkwardly removes his hand from mine and wipes them on his jeans.

"Um... I don't know where to start,"

"The beginning would be nice,"

"Um, yeah, uh, it was a Friday-"

"I gathered considering I remember the day I was told that my sister had died,"

"It was dark and I was hyped about this new firework thing I'd been working on, she knew it was dangerous, I hadn't tested it before, and she still wanted to see it. So I set it all up before I remembered that I needed to put this part on it, whilst getting it from the cupboard in the house I heard a bang and I rushed outside to find her-" his voice broke and his grey eyes no longer looked me in the eye "She was a fire ball... and the screaming, it pierced straight through me. I was frozen, I didn't know what to do, she was lucky in a way a second later the sprinklers came on at the same time they did everyday and her fire put out. I somehow knocked some sense into myself and called 911... I guess you know the rest," his grey eyes return to looking up at me

I sit silently, my mind racing over everything he just said, analysing everything.

"Say something," he pleads

"Thank you... for telling me... it must have been-" I pause to search for the word "Traumatic," even though the feelings he felt about the whole thing could never add up to what I do every time I think of her, I still felt sorry for him, after all he was my best friend once. "Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I don't know, shock maybe, but you were pretty pissed and I couldn't get a word in," he says a sheepish smile igniting on his face. Igniting, wrong word, I immediately thought of Prim and what he'd done. I try to push the thought away.

"Why'd you wait so long to come back?"

"You weren't the only one who couldn't face seeing me," he says "Mostly I couldn't face myself, I finished college, barely, and kinda tried to wait a while to let you calm down, and let myself realise what had actually happened that night,"

"But why now and not a few months ago? Why now, this very moment?"

"Because I realised something else whilst I was away," I raise an eyebrow questioningly "I realised that I couldn't bare to be away from you, every second I was away I felt like something bad was going to happen to you, I wanted to be there. I wanted to be there with you and protect you,"

"I don't need protecting,"

"I know that but I couldn't stay away from you, not anymore, it was killing me being away from you,"

"Why?"

"Are you really that dense?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Katniss, for the past however many years I've been head over heels in love with you," I think my heart skipped a beat, not from happiness or excitement, from, well, shock.

"No," I say standing up. Gale's eyebrows furrow as he stands up himself

"No? What do you mean no? You can't just say no and expect me to know what you're thinking!"

"Gale," I say my voice full of sorrow "I can barely even look at you," pictures of Prim lying lifelessly in a hospital bed fill my mind "Every time I think of you, or see you, or talk to you all I can see is-" he finishes the sentence for me

"Is her," I nod, my eyes downcast "I know," he says "But I had to tell you, that's why I came back, I knew that you would never in a million years look at me like that, hell I was lucky if you even looked at me without slamming a door in my face, I just needed to tell you, it was closure, knowing that something I had broken by myself knew that I had said and done everything, well almost everything, I wanted to do," I remain silent not knowing what to say. Gale steps forward, closer to me "Just, just at least, let me have one kiss," I remain silent and let Gale kiss me.

I don't feel anything, I just feel a warmth on my lips, it's nothing special, nothing that deep down Gale was hoping it to be. It was just him, desperately trying to cling onto the fabric of his old life that he no longer had. Gale steps back, his grey eyes glazed over, emotionless.

"Goodbye Gale," I say slipping out his apartment.

That would be the last time I ever saw Gale. He moved someplace far away not long after and in reality I didn't care. I just needed closure and I got it. I got closure from the boy that killed my sister and all that was left was to talk to Peeta.


	8. Chapter 8

Enjoy

- Court

* * *

**Chapter Eight**

* * *

"He's upstairs," Rye says as he opens the front door to me, he lets me in and I hurry up the stairs to Peeta.

I knock twice to here a muffled voice on the other side of the door.

"Go away, Rye," I roll my eyes and open the door anyway "I said go away, Rye,"

"It's a good job I'm not Rye then," I say and Peeta swivels around to look at me "I need to explain,"

"And I don't care," he says turning away obviously hurt by what I said or rather was going to say, there was no point trying to deny anything. He continues sketching.

"I went to see Gale,"

"And what? You two are going to hold hands and skip off into the sunset together because you know that we won't last?" he spits, this isn't the Peeta I know.

"He told me what happened to my sister," I bite back, this makes Peeta turn around to face me with apologetic eyes

"Sorry,"

"It's fine, especially as I upset you, I should have even thought about saying that, I'm sorry,"

"It's fine, I just saw the way he looked at you-"

"Wait a minute! You could have warned me!" I sigh flopping down on his bed

"What happened?" he asks coming to lay by me

"Don't get angry but he said that he's in love with me and he kissed me," Peeta's cool exterior seems to be fading quickly

"What- so- when- what-" his words fail him and he pauses a moment before crashing his lips against mine "Your mine," he whispers in between kisses.

"I couldn't agree more,"

"USE PROTECTION!" I hear Rye shout downstairs as he slams the front door shut. Peeta and I both laugh before curling up on his bed and watching a couple Disney movies because how can you not?

"Katniss..." Peeta says

"Yeah?"

"Yesterday was weird, can we forget it ever happened?"

"No," I say "You were the one that said they didn't want to forget and I don't want to forget a single moment with you, every single second is precious even though it may not feel like that," I say rolling over to face him, our noses touching

"I love you," he says smiling at me "I don't like fighting with you," he pouts

"Me neither,"

"Let's never fight again,"

"I second that."

* * *

"But I don't want to go out!" I complain as Johanna paces the room, Peeta and I sit on my bed watching her

"You can go out, it's fine," says Peeta

"But I don't want to!"

"Please Brainless?" pouts Johanna

"No!"

"Katniss, don't worry about me, have a night off,"

"What about you?" Johanna asks Peeta

"Clubs aren't really my scene, I'll sit this one out,"

"Ok, Katniss?" asks Johanna turning to face me

"So you're just gonna let him off! Not fair!" I huff

"Please!" begs Johanna

"It's one night," says Peeta "What's the worst that could happen?"

"Fine," I huff "But I swear to god if you and whoever you get your claws into this time are busy doing the dirty in the bathroom again I will just leave!"

"Fine, you can watch us dance,"

"Oh god no! I'll be at the bar, sitting down, where the perverts aren't trying to cup a feel," Peeta just laughs

"Now you," Johanna says jabbing her finger in Peeta's direction "Out, I have to get her ready,"

"Ok, ok! I'm going," says Peeta shuffling towards the door

"Save me," I mouth to Peeta and he just laughs before closing the door behind him.

"Now let's get to work," Johanna smiles evilly whilst rubbing her hands together.

This is going to be a long night.

* * *

In a black skater skirt and white tube top that with some miracle doesn't keep falling and white heels we exit the cab, my hair still in its usual braid unlike Johanna who looks nothing like her day to day self. She's wear a super short black dress that only half the sluts from high school wouldn't wear.

I get to the bar as usual as Johanna goes searching for prey, which isn't very far considering the attention she gets from a dress like that.

"We meet again," I turn to see the blonde doctor, Doctor Ludwig slide into the seat next to mine at the bar

"Thanks for helping Peeta," I say as he orders a drink for both of us, mine a coke because once again I had to get Johanna home.

"It was a work thing,"

"You don't look like a doctor,"

"You don't look like a club type of girl,"

"Oh I'm not, I was forced to come by Johanna,"

"So I get to know your friend's name but not yours?"

"Fine, it's Katniss,"

"Well Katniss, I'm Cato," he says holding his hand out to me and I shake it before sipping my drink "So how's Peeta doing?"

"He's ok I guess, I wouldn't really know,"

"I'd say he's does great for someone with his condition," somewhere within me hope returns, could this mean that I won't lose Peeta "But people with his condition do deteriorate quite quickly," that bubble of hope definitely just popped.

"Talk about optimistic," I say sarcastically and he laughs

"Sorry," he says "So Katniss," he says using my name again "How old are you?"

"Nineteen, how about you"

"Twenty one, and not at college?"

"I kinda failed my SATs,"

"Same here,"

"But you're a doctor!"

"F1 actually, but it didn't stop me from taking them again, you should take them again, you seem like a smart girl,"

"I would if I had time, right now I'm spending whatever I have left with Peeta,"

"Ah, so do you have a job?"

"No, I've been looking but no one wants someone that failed their SATs, do you know how tough it is to get a job at Wal-Mart?" he just laughs, soon our conversation changes and we sit chatting about anything and everything.

About an hour or so later my phone rings. Look at the caller ID, it says Rye. Weird, Rye never calls me.

"Rye?"

"Katniss, Peeta's collapsed again, we're on the way to the hospital now,"

"I'm on my way," I say hanging up

"What's happened?" asks Cato

"Peeta's collapsed," I say

"I'll drive you," he says

"Um, thanks," I say

"Let's go," he says taking me to his car, we get in and race off to the hospital, I text Johanna telling her everything.

* * *

"Thanks for the ride," I say as I walk up to the ward Rye told me, Cato walking next to me.

"It's fine, I'm due up in a little while so I might as well drink a load of coffee and hang out in the staff room," I turn the corner to see Rye sat in the waiting room tapping the chair impatiently

"Rye!" I say and his head snaps round to look at me "What happened?"

"We were making some bread and he just collapsed,"

"Oh Rye," I say hugging him, Cato nods before heading off to the staff room "He'll be ok, he always is, he's Peeta," I reassure him but more than anything I'm reassuring myself because one day I know that Peeta won't be alright.

We sit in the waiting room and I remember when he told me that he only had one year... that one year was wasting away and it was going pretty fast. Six months had ran by almost mockingly, I knew that Peeta wanted to complete his list but completing his list meant the end.

But that was selfish. I had to help Peeta finish his list. There were only a couple more, he'd been adding more ever since, I review from memory the ones that were left.

_6. To visit an art gallery_

_7. Go to a music concert_

_9. Get a job_

_10. Get fired from a job_

_11. To have my name everywhere_

_12. To get Haymitch a real job_

_13. To make this number lucky_

_14. To die at home._

We'd completed just six from his list.

A different doctor appeared and called for us, Mr Mellark stood and Rye and I followed.

"We're keeping him in over night, unfortunately his legs have been attacked by the cancer and he should remain in the wheelchair we provide," it was like a blow to the stomach, that bubble of hope I had somehow found had popped and was long gone.

"Can we see him?" asks Rye

"Of course," says the doctor "Mr Mellark, may I have a word?" Mr Mellark nods and as Rye and I walk to Peeta's room.

"Hey Peetie," Rye says sheepishly entering the room

"Hey," Peeta croaks, I slip my cold hand into his warm one

"You scared me," I admit "One minute I'm sat at the bar talking to that blonde doctor and the next Rye calls,"

"You were with a doctor?" asks Peeta

"Yeah, he gave me a ride here, Johanna was too busy partying,"

"Sounds like Johanna," he chuckles before coughing

"Want me to get you some water?"

"Please," he says

"Be right back," I say heading out the room to find some water. Eventually when I get a bottle from the vender I find Mr Mellark in the waiting room with his head in his hands.

I stand for a moment before walking over and sitting next to him.

"It's bad, isn't it?"

"Uh, yeah," he says taking his glasses off and wiping his teary eyes before putting them back on

"You'd never think that someone like Peeta..." I fade off

"I know what you mean," he says "I guess it never really hit me until now that he'll actually go,"

"I know what you mean," I repeat "I have a theory about that," he raises his eyebrows at me questioningly "I thought that someone like Peeta, is too perfect, too pure for us all so whoever's up there doesn't want the world to corrupt him so they're gonna put him some place where he can paint all day and never have to think about cleaning up,"

"I'd like to think so," says Mr Mellark with a small smile

"Time to toughen up, Mr M," I say standing up "Peeta wants to see you,"

"Just give me a minute," he says wiping his eyes again, I turn to leave when he calls my name "Katniss?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad he met you," and then he smiles

"Me too," I say before turning and walking back to Peeta's room. I notice that both boys are laughing "Here you go," I say handing him his bottle of water.

"Thanks, where's dad?"

"Had to use the bathroom," I lie "You know what it's like,"

"Talking of bathrooms," says Rye exiting the room, Peeta just laughs

"How was your night out?"

"Weird," I say sitting in the chair by the bed

"Nice outfit,"

"Oh stop drooling Mellark."

* * *

"Katniss," I wake up to Mr M tapping my shoulder

"Yeah?" I yawn, I had my head leaning on Peeta's bed whilst I held his hand as he went to sleep

"We're gonna head home, do you need a ride?"

"I think I'm gonna stay just for a little longer,"

"Ok, just make sure you go home and get yourself some sleep ok?" I smile in reply and Mr M pats my shoulder in a fatherly way before exiting.

I crane my head around to look at the clock to see that it's two in the morning. I sigh. I crave coffee and as I stand from the chair, my muscles aching, Peeta wakes up looking a little disorientated.

"Your dad and Rye went home,"

"Oh," he says

"I was about to get a coffee, need anything?"

"I'm good," he smiles

"Try to get some sleep," I say before heading out the door and letting Peeta get some rest. I drowsily walk to the coffee machine and rub my eyes sleepily.

"Shouldn't you be at home?" I turn to see Cato leaning up against the coffee machine

"Staying with Peeta," I reply sleepily

"So what? Are you two going out?"

"Kinda," I reply in my half awake state "He's mine and I am his, there is no need to say anything else," I take a moment to review what I just said "God, I sound like Yoda... I need coffee,"

"You should go home, plastic chairs are not the best place to sleep,"

"Can't, no buses at two in the morning and I'd rather stay with Peeta,"

"You can't stay here all night, it won't help if you're falling asleep tomorrow, I'll drive you, come on,"

"But I can't just leave him,"

"Send him a note," he says ruffling through his pockets and pulling out a slip of paper

"Fine," I huff grabbing a pen from the nurses desk.

_Peeta, _

_Went home, will be back tomorrow to pick you up, promise. _

_- Katniss._

"Aren't you gonna say I love you?" Cato asks annoyingly, I roll my eyes and sneak into Peeta's room behind putting the note by his glass of water. I exit the room and Cato walks me to his car.

* * *

We drove to my house in silence.

"Thanks for the ride," I say closing the door

"See you around," Cato calls after me, I run up the stairs and change into shorts and a vest tee before climbing into bed.

Unfortunately sleep doesn't come.

I remember the list and one specific number.

_11. To have my name everywhere_

I sigh knowing that I wouldn't get any sleep. I creep back downstairs and pour myself a flask of coffee before grabbing some spray paint from the cupboard and I call upon some old friends of mine.

_11. To have my name everywhere._


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey guys, sorry about the slow update, I've been busy doing Christmassy stuff and I haven't had time to write the next chapter, this one is really short compared to my usual stuff but I have a load of stuff to do for Christmas, hope you enjoy this short little chapter and I hope you all have a very merry Christmas and an awesome new year. Thank you to Holly for reviewing as usual however I would love more reviews as at the moment I don't really have the motivation to carry on.**

**- Court**

**Merry Christmas :)**

* * *

**Chapter Nine**

* * *

Peeta won't know what's hit him.

I yawn again and continue to spray his name onto the wall.

"It's been a while, Everdeen," smirks Finnick as he proceeds to spray Peeta's name a couple meters away from me

"You went off college, not me,"

"There's this thing called a telephone,"

"I know, but I still remember that a certain someone was running after Annie Cresta during the whole of senior year, how did that pursuit end? Did she slap you again?"

"Actually she did but then she finally gave into my good looks and charming personality and agreed to go on a date with me, which was followed by a few more dates and eventually I asked her to be my girlfriend,"

"Pfft, as if," says Johanna pushing in "She asked him and the great Finnick O'Dair actually blushed, it was quite amusing,"

"Shut up Johanna," hisses Finnick and I laugh

"But what was even better was his first date jitters, god I wished I'd videoed him for you,"

"I would have paid to see that," I chuckled "But we need to move on, there's only a few more hours till sun rise,"

We move along and continue painting.

"Remind you of the old days?" asks Thresh coming to paint

"No, if it was then I'd be drunk,"

"And I'll drink to that!" hails Finnick, I shove him sideways

"Don't listen to the whore," says Johanna sidling up to me again "You've done well to get where you are, be proud of it! Now, what's the four-one-one with this Peeta guy?"

"Peeta's got terminal cancer, and this was on his bucket list,"

"I don't mean that, I mean what's the four-one-one with your relationship?"

"I guess you could say that we're going out,"

"You guess?"

"Let's just paint ok?"

* * *

"Someone's tired," laughs Peeta as I yawn for the millionth time, we're sitting in the back of Rye's car, taking him home "I thought you went home last night,"

"I did, I just didn't get much sleep,"

"Here," Peeta says extending his arm to me, I lean in and rest my head on his shoulder "You've got paint in your hair,"

"Wait! Ssh!" Rye says waving his arm at us then turning the volume

"Mysterious words have appeared around the city of Panem in yellow spray paint, no one has actually seen who made these words but locals are amazed by the artwork dedicated to local boy Peeta Mellark. More news as it comes."

"What?" says Peeta sitting up, he looks out the window, and stares as he sees his name spray painted in bright yellow, everywhere. "Number eleven," he says turning to face me "Katniss... thank you," he pulls his lips down on mine

"Let's keep this PG," Rye says from the front seat.

* * *

"Guess who's sticking around!" shouts Finnick as he barges into the house

"Oh god, he's back," grumbles Haymitch pouring himself another large glass of liquor

"Shut up!" I laugh throwing a cushion from the couch at him, Peeta and I lay together watching TV.

"Hello, you must be Peeta I'm the great Finnick O'Dair, I bet Katniss hasn't stopped talking about me-"

"Actually, I've never heard of you," Peeta says, Finnick puts his hand on his heart and feigns being hurt

"Katniss, I'm hurt, you didn't tell your boyfriend about our drunken escapades," Finnick says, Peeta raises his eyebrows

"What do you want Finnick?" I huff

"Well-" I cut him off

"You've been kicked out of college?"

"How'd you guess?"

"He can stay," says Haymitch heading for the front door "But no parties,"

"Nice to see you too Mitch!" Finnick shouts after him, the front door slams shut

"Welcome home Finnick..."


	10. Chapter 10

**Ten chapter. That's it. That's all it took for me to kill someone off and bring a whole new life into the story. Thanks for all the support you've been giving me but this is the final chapter no doubt about it, this is probably my shortest story next to Kitty's Diary but I believe that it should be short like the year that Peeta has because a year isn't long.**

**Anyways I hope you guys had a Merry Christmas and I hope you have an even better new year!**

**For the last time at One Year.**

**Enjoy**

**-Court**

* * *

**Chapter Ten**

* * *

Peeta got worse. He was in and out of hospital for a while, eventually even the doctors sent me home where I would just end up staring at my ceiling all night until Finnick slipped into my room to try and cheer me up, but in reality I always knew that things would go downhill, I just never thought tjat it would be so soon, or happen so quickly.

We made the number thirteen lucky, we got jobs that we quickly got fired from because we may or may have not decorated our boss' office with a load of tampons, they covered everything and that was all Peeta's idea. We even did the secret number fifteen that no one knew about, Peeta said it was a private thing so we couldn't even add it to the paper... let's just say it involved a bed...

However there were so many things that we hadn't done, like get Haymitch a job, go to a music concert, even though we watched on live on TV whilst Peeta was stuck in hospital, he said it counted whilst I argued that it didn't, and we never went to an art gallery. Which just left us with number fourteen, to die at home, which I definitely wasn't looking forward to. Nobody was.

* * *

"Katniss," Peeta croaks from his bed, we're at his house, the doctors said that this was it and we shouldn't expect too much.

"Yeah?" I say holding his hand

"This is it," he says sadly

"Don't say that," I say running my fingers through his hair

"I can feel it,"

"I'm going to get your dad," I say standing up but even weak hand grips mine tightly

"Don't," he pleads

"But Peeta-" he cuts me off

"Don't. Please just stay with me," he says pulling me towards I bed, I lie with him silently trying to hold onto whatever time I have left with him, whatever memories I can make now before- before- before the end. "Katniss, I need to know..." he says calmly "You love me, real or not real?"

So I tell him, here, on the bed that he hopes to die on, I tell him everything he needs to know and everything I need to tell him.

"Real, Peeta, it was always real."

* * *

Two days later Peeta died, at home, in his bed, completing number fourteen on his bucket. list There were no words to describe how I felt. For the next week I hid myself in my room, eating nothing but chocolate, ice cream and crisps, eventually I threw it all up in pure disgust and I was still left empty and alone and without Peeta.

* * *

without without

"I was Peeta's brother even though I didn't act like much of one," Wheat says from the podium at the church, it's Peeta's funeral and I haven't spoken to anyone since he died, I just sit on the front pew next to Rye and Mr Mellark, fiddling with the ring that hangs on the chain around me neck. "He was the best person you could ever meet and he never hated me for not being there because he was just Peeta. I don't want to talk about his death, I want to celebrate his life and all the wonderful things that came from it," he takes a breath

"You don't have to continue," Mr Mellark whispers to Wheat but he just shakes his head and continues anyway with trembling hands.

"It felt like years ago when Peeta turned up on my doorstep with Katniss on the other end of his hand, I could see it in his eyes just how much he already loved her even if she didn't know it herself," I find myself now staring at Wheat, he has my full attention now and he looks me right in the eye when he speaks again "He was lucky to have such a wonderful person around him when I could not," then Wheat finally breaks and Mr Mellark pulls his eldest son into his arms, I just stare at the podium where his picture stands. I stand from the pew knowing that everyone's eyes are now trained on me and I go and place a yellow dandelion on the funeral box.

"You gave me hope when there was nothing left," I whisper "I love you, present tense."

"Thank you," Mr Mellark says to me as Wheat buries his face in his father's shoulder, I nod solemnly before walking out the church and to the lake where it all began.

* * *

"Jesus Katniss, what the hell are you eating?" asks Johanna pulling a face of disgust as we sit in my room watching a movie with Finnick

"Banana slices covered in peanut butter," I reply, it had been two weeks since Peeta's funeral and I had just started to speak to people again.

"But you hate bananas!" says Finnick

"Katniss..." Johanna says looking concerned "When did you have your last period?"

* * *

Nine months later I popped out a beautiful little girl with blonde hair and grey eyes, she was perfect in every way, she wasn't yet tarnish by the both beautiful and brutal world around her.

Peeta would have loved her.

I was hard, being a single mother would always be hard, soon there came 'Auntie JoJo' and 'Unca Finn-Finn' and 'Grandpa Mitch.' I was surprised that Haymitch cut down on his drinking and got himself a real job, it was like everything was working out for Peeta's list... I even sent some paintings that Peeta did off to a gallery which of course they loved, so it was as if Peeta actually visited an art gallery.

Then I realised, we had done everything on the list.

Peeta would be happy.

* * *

"I brought daddy a dandelion!" I smile at my daughter

"Great," I smile scooping her up, at three years old she's everything Peeta was, she loves to paint and bake and to hit Unca Rye for being 'a sissy' as she called it.

We get out the car and I put my daughter down, somehow she manages to wiggle her small hand into mine and I smile.

As we walk to his grave.

Here lies Peeta Mellark. Beloved son, boyfriend and friend.

It had been nearly four years since I last saw him, last touched him, last time I held him, last time we held each other. I sigh and kneel. My daughter places her dandelion in the vase we stock with water.

"Momma?"

"Yeah, baby girl?"

"Were you and Daddy in love?"

"Yes," I smile at me daughter "I love him more than anything," I sigh and look at the grave and trail my fingers across his name engraved in the stone.

I remember the letter he wrote for me to read after he died.

Katniss,

I don't even know what to say but I guess this is goodbye. I never wanted to leave you or my family but I need you to know that I love you and I always will, I remember the first time I met you, it wasn't the greatest of days for either of us but really I think it could have been the best day of my life.

You were stubborn, heck, you always were and always will be, your braid was falling apart and you were still in shock, but you were still and are still the most beautiful woman I have ever met.

I remember the second time I met you, I almost ran you over with my car... not the best of moments but I wouldn't change it for the world.

The day we went swimming in the lake was one of the best days I can remember, thank you for teaching me how to swim, thank you for being there at my weakest, thank you for trying to help my complete my list even though we didn't quite finish it, and finally thank you for loving me.

Who knew that a year could change everything?

I will love you always - Peeta.

A tear slides down my cheek.

"Don't cry momma," she says and a smile at my innocent daughter.

One day I know that she'll ask questions, that'll she'll want to know more about her dad and I won't hesitate to tell her about the boy with the bread, about the boy that almost ran me over, and the boy that wasn't afraid to get burnt by my fiery attitude and I will always tell her that there isn't always a happy ending but even when you know something is going to end you need to stick to it... forever... like her father.

"Why don't we get some ice cream," I say standing up and wiping my eyes

"Yay!" she cheers, I laugh and as we walk back to the car, my eyes still watching his tombstone waiting for Peeta to jump out and say I fooled you even though I know he won't.

We almost walk into the tall blonde in running gear that passes the cemetery.

"Sorry," I say picking his iPod off the floor and handing it to him. I immediately remember the familiar face of the tall blonde, he was the doctor that helped look after Peeta when he was in hospital, the guy that talked to me at the bars whilst Johanna was get drunk with some random guys, the guy that told me that every gets better.

It's Cato Alexander.

"Hi,"

"Hi."


End file.
